Think on These Things...
“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”
I recently discovered “positive thinking" and to say that I was extremely suspicious is an understatement as I felt that it was another lure into a cultish realm of nutty people. I thought it was weird as people who promoted positive thinking, affirmations and the like, appeared endlessly optimistic and happy! And I was over there with my lips pouted in pure shade... Like for real, who is THAT HAPPY??!
A little background:
As 2016 gradually came to a close and 2017 seemed to take forever to arrive, I found myself severely depressed, often sad and very lonely. I didn't mind being alone per say (there's a difference between the two) however, the loneliness was heavy and even though the previous years had brought dramatic yet good changes in my life, I was finding it difficult to adjust. So here I was. Stuck. Hating myself. I had given myself so many "Get it together Pascale!" speeches it wasn't even funny. And it never worked. Maybe for like 2 seconds, but that was it.
I was so sick of feeling this way! I had good moments here and there but they never lasted long enough to override the bad ones. And during the "good" moments, I just felt like I was existing enough to get through it. Good moments would simply vanish as soon as I was back at home alone. Oftentimes, I stared at myself in the mirror - looking, searching to see if anything was there and found zilch. Something had to change. I didn't know how I was going to change it. All I knew was that I had to yank myself out of it.
“ATTENTION: No one is coming to save you. This life is 100% your responsibility.”
"Well damn," I thought when I saw this quote on Instagram one night. "That's rich. Thanks for letting me know. Gotta do this myself."
"I don't even like me," I thought.
"So get to liking you then. You ain't THAT bad."
I quite literally googled "how to like me" and came across this article in the Huffington Post. Again, I googled "taking care of me" which led me to this article on dating myself. After evaluation, I realized that despite the effects of the various traumas I had experienced, I was doing a fair amount of residual damage to myself. I didn't need anyone to pick on me or put me down. I was doing it already. I was my own hater. And boy was I good at it!
I stopped. Immediately. Quit the bad mouthing, the chastising, the correcting, the should-ing, could-ing and would-ing all over my precious and amazing self! I researched more and found the "positive thinking" world after reading The Secret and other related articles and watching a few YouTube videos.
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
I realized ashamedly so, that I’ve known (or should have known) this (positive thinking) all along. There was no damn secret! I just forgot. It’s like I KNEW it but didn’t KNOW. And through one life circumstance after another, I let it get further and further away from me. Being real here, I’m not too sure I let “think on these things” ever penetrate past the point of repeatedly quoting the scripture as a child.
I dug even further, reading anything that resonated with me and downloaded the phone app ThinkUp. At first it was super creepy hearing my own voice repeat positive phrases and quotes, but eventually I got used to it. I thought of it this way: the negative thoughts and personal butchering I had been doing in the past were in my own voice, even if I had never said them out loud, so what's the difference? And since NOTHING else had worked so far, what did I have to lose?
I had to retrain myself. I'm going to tell you right now: THIS. IS. HARD. But it can be done. I practiced changing my thoughts which over time changed my heart.
“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7).
Gradually, what I believed in my heart about myself changed and what I began saying about myself followed suit. About my life, about my dreams, my body, career, my day, relationships, emotions, all of it.
“Out of the heart, the mouth speaks.” (Matthew 12:34).
Negative things that easily flowed from my lips in the past were now difficult to even utter much less think. My transformation went in that order: Mind. Heart. Speech.
So now, when I say things like, “I was born limitless in my capacity to do great things,” “I am connected to a source of inspiration beyond my wildest imagination,” or “I choose to see divine perfection in every cell of my body” every day, I don't quietly scoff at myself or feel stupid. I know and believe it to be true. I also know that as I continue, my foundation in Him will be unshakable. Relationship stronger.
It’s like working out. Who wouldn't love to do 20 minutes on a treadmill to reach or maintain their ideal weight in one day? You and I both know that's not going to happen. Which is why it’s called weight “training” - because it takes time. And you have to work at it. But the amazing thing is that you’re fully capable. And believe me, much, much better for it. 🧡 What do you think? Where are you?